A new month
– well in fairness we’re a few days into that new month but in many ways
October is continuing in equally frantic style to September – so there’s barely
time to take a breath let alone glance at the calendar.
September
was an incredible month of highs and lows. We lost our dog of 17 years and are
still very much trying to come to terms with that. The kids settled back into
school, one started a new school, homework battles resumed and raged, notes came
home re specific and essential pencil case contents, contents were purchased,
pain-stakingly labelled and lost within a couple of days, reminder notes came home about the same essential
pencil case contents, the kids fought, single school shoes disappeared off the
face of the earth, I was reminded how out of practice I am in the world of cocktails,
and in between this my book was published and a media whirlwind followed. I am
dizzy from it all.
We’re
coming up to mental health awareness week. I’ve had my own battles with mental health issues particularly
after the birth of my lovely babies. It was never something that I was
comfortable to speak about before, until my book came out. Even now I squirm a
little as I’m writing – in spite of the fact that I spoke about it on national
radio just a couple of weeks ago. It’s a difficult one to explain. Maybe it’s
vulnerability or maybe it’s the fact that one day my children might read and
see that infallible mum, she who knows all the answers, lays down the rules and
boundaries, kisses hurts away, sorts problems, has endless supplies of hugs,
rants a bit (ok a lot!), hates projects more than they and does all the other
things that parents do - actually is human.
Life is
crazy for everyone. We’re expected to move at a faster pace than ever before
and the advent of the internet and social media means we’re never truly removed from
outside influences. The expectations of parenthood are different to those of
yesteryear. The community and support networks often not so available. The
demands on our time constantly mounting. So often I’ve found myself saying – it’ll all
be easier next week, next month, the one after that, when one of the variables
is removed from the equation and we will supposedly have more time. I dismissed
the notion of mindfulness and staying in the present because, I don’t have time
for that.
There is no
sign of the busyness of life abating anytime soon – and in many regards I’m
glad, I like to be busy, but it’s about getting the balance right. There is
nothing like a night out with friends to give you not only a chance to recharge
your batteries, but to remind you that all work and no play makes Jacqueline
not only as dull as dishwater but particularly stressed and miserable into the
bargain. It is amazing what clearly we can see of others that often we fail to see
of ourselves.
The thing
with mental health is that like all other areas of our health, prevention is
better than cure always. In spite of this fact too often we wait until we’re in
the doldrums before we act - if we act. There is no shame in looking after your
mental health. There is no shame in being kind to yourself and saying "no" sometimes because the demands on you are too much. There is no shame in reaching out for help or in accepting it if it's offered. There is no shame in putting your needs first, sometimes. You cannot take care of others, if you don’t
take care of yourself.
As we approach
mental health awareness week, I’m going to take the time to be mindful and to
truly appreciate the present – because tomorrow is never guaranteed. Whether
that present involves the four year old naked bird spotting into our fridge on
a hectic school morning, or the 8 year old referring to the his brother’s Roddy
Doyle tendencies as part of his homework sentences – that might reveal what we’re
REALLY like as a family. Whether it involves the bigger lads and my hubby
killing each other over a game of football or the smell of false tan wafting
from my daughter’s bedroom and her orange-tinged white sheets - I will not wish
I was on a desert laundry-free island with only a bottle of wine, a bar of Lindor
and Will Smith for company.
Ok I can’t
promise that, but I will take the time to truly see and appreciate my family
for the fabulous mess-making individuals that they are.
The
youngest two have put me to the test already today, with a teddy volcano built
in front of our door. The playroom that I spent two and half hours cleaning
yesterday now resembles the aftermath that you would expect from child-sized
tornadoes on a soft toy hunting mission.
Fabulously "creative" and destructive, but more importantly, fabulously mine.
