I am in the very fortunate position that I have worked
part-time (mornings only) since the birth of my first child. It has helped somewhat with the mammy guilt,
enabled me to remove my school aged children from the childcare conundrum and
has created a situation, for my school going children anyway, that I am home
when they are home. Through the use of
parental leave and family friendly policies in my place of employment, I have
managed to cover most school holidays (obviously at my own expense) with a few
days left for sick days, hospital appointments and school shows. My leave is as
precious as gold dust. I never take a
day off just because I fancy it – I never know what could crop up and I might
need it.
I am regularly told that I have the ideal situation. I have
to be honest, as grateful as I am to have the time with my children in the
afternoons, I am left exhausted by the demands.
I am here for the morning chaos as I try to get my older kids to
school. I feel dreadful leaving my
younger children at a time when they should have the advantage of more of my
attention while their older siblings are at school and I walk out of a house
that looks like a tornado has gone through it and will be waiting for me to
tackle when I get back from work. I face
the heavy morning traffic everyday, do my job and then leave at lunch time
(without having lunch obviously). I go straight to collect my younger children
and from there on to the school to pick up my junior infant. I am immediately
in full time mammy mode. The smallies
are delighted to see me, there’s a mountain of breakfast dishes and the older
kids come home, forgetting I’ve been to work at all, with their homework and
after school activities to be fit in.
A UK school principal recently caused uproar when she
suggested that we shouldn’t be leading our girls to believe that they can have
it all. This came on foot of a senior UK gynaecologist reiterating the
importance of women understanding their biology and fertility. Nature waits for no career! In an age where
women’s rights have progressed, there’s no denying we still have a way to go
and this particular issue is a difficult one to navigate. Trying to build or progress a career without
the distraction or commitment of children means postponing a family to a time
when things might prove more challenging.
My daughter is now old enough to be giving serious
consideration to the career she would like in the future. The path she wants to follow is pretty
specific and naturally I hope it will be the right one for her. I also, as a mother and her mother, knowing
how difficult it is to juggle everything, find myself wondering how family
friendly it will be. Throughout school and college I had an ideal in my head as
to how my life would be. When the little
people came along, my priorities changed – as did my perspective.
I don’t want to admit that there might be a glass ceiling
for my daughter but I don’t think I believe you can have it all. I think somebody is paying the price. I’m not
sure how much things really have moved on for women now that they’re largely expected
to do all the things their mothers did for their families and hold down a job
on top of this. The demands on working parents emotionally and physically are
huge. The guilt leaving your children can be enormous, the commitment to your
employment challenged. The work of a stay at home parent however, is hugely
undervalued in spite of being one of the most relentless, exhausting jobs there
is. Sadly, enough importance is still not given to the role of a carer in spite
of the workload and sacrifices involved.
I don’t want my
daughter, as she considers her future life, to believe that there is anything she
can’t achieve that her brothers can. She
is however, bound by her biology and may have to make some difficult and different
choices to them. I don’t know what the answer is, or if the principal’s
suggestion really is as outrageous as it first appeared, but it certainly gives
food for thought. All I do know is, that
from my point of view, when my maternity leave comes to an end, the chaos here will
become that bit more chaotic…..
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